What to do when a coach doesn't listen
(5 minute read)
Athletes,
Your journey in sport is one about learning— both about yourself and others. Sports can be an excellent lesson in how to communicate effectively as you enter adulthood.
I wish that every adult in a position of authority was perfect, but that’s not the world we live in. Your coaches are human, and so they make mistakes. So are you, and you also make mistakes. Not listening can happen on both sides.
Coaches can’t read your mind, so it’s on you to clearly communicate what’s happening with your body. Keep an open line of communication so that adults can help you evaluate what to do next.
In our training sessions, we talk to you all the time about how important it is to advocate for yourself– to speak up when something is painful, doesn’t feel right, or when you’re suddenly fatigued. Why? This is often when non-contact injuries or overuse injuries occur, and your long-term health should be your first priority.
So when it feels like your coaches aren’t listening, here are some conversation tactics to help open up communication. You may be surprised at what you find.
Here’s how some of our older athletes have advocated for themselves in a variety of difficult (and sometimes escalating) situations.
1. Talk to your coach ahead of time
Just because your coach didn’t hear you in the moment doesn’t make them a bad coach. It makes them human. So next time, give your coach an opportunity to hear you in a less stressful or distracting situation– like ahead of time before practice or a game.
If you’ve been feeling pain or discomfort, explain that you may need to take a break to work on mobility, re-hydrate, ice, use a vibration gun, or whatever is necessary to assess the state of your body. Set the expectation of how you will communicate that moment to your coach and what you will do to assess yourself— with the end goal of getting back to play.
Explain:
WHAT is hurting
WHY you think it hurts
WHEN it started hurting
HOW you’re going to assess yourself
Sometimes all you need to do is clearly communicate ahead of time instead of in the moment. Several of our older athletes have found success with this approach.
And if you can’t get back to play, it’s alright. Your long term health is the goal. Rely on your teammates, as they would rely on you if they were in a similar situation. (And rely on your medical team of athletic trainers, doctors, and therapists to get you back to full health.)
What happens if your coach doesn’t listen to you? Loop in a trusted adult (like a parent, guardian, doctor, or teacher) after practice or a game to figure out what your next step should be. Sometimes these situations can be solved with adult-to-adult communication, and you may learn a little bit about how to more effectively talk to adults by observing.
2. Ask your coach how they want you to communicate with them
If you’re discovering that your efforts to talk to them up front are falling flat, ask your coach directly how they want you to handle these situations.
Here’s a few questions you can use to prompt this discussion:
Do they want to be told a few days ahead of time or just on practice or game days?
Do they want you to communicate information to the assistant coach instead?
Do they want the information directly from your parent or guardian instead of you?
Do they want you to explain something differently so they can better understand you?
Do they need to hear directly from your physical therapist, chiropractor, or doctor?
Asking these questions can help them understand how important this is to you, and it often increases a coach’s respect for their player. Why? They can tell you take this seriously. And, asking questions is an effective way at opening an otherwise closed line of communication.
3. Don’t ask– explain.
If your coach has done any of the following…
repeatedly refused to understand the nature of your potential or present injury/rehab
repeatedly put you in situations that put your body at risk
has not been listening to you (or your trusted adult)
has been ostracizing you based on your health decisions
eroded your trust
It’s time to find a new coach. Unfortunately… we recognize that’s not always possible. So here’s how an older athlete who was in the middle of recovering and rehabbing from a procedure handled a similar situation.
They explained to their coach that they were going to sit out for the rest of practice to best manage their training volume and not overdo it. They did just that — sat out the rest of practice.
After unintentionally overhearing some comments about themselves amongst the coaching staff regarding their perceived lack of training effort, the athlete looped in trusted adults— in this instance, their parents. The situation was then handled at an administrative level.
Remember, athletes, your health (including your MENTAL health) is the #1 priority. Don’t let adults take advantage of you. Keep your circle-of-trust updated on what’s going on so that they can support you.
4. When all else fails, involve a trusted adult
Your parents, guardians, doctor, or even a teacher can help you navigate a sticky situation with your coach and help you make decisions on what you should do next to best protect yourself, whether that’s talking to the coach or administration for you… or removing you from the situation.
This applies to any situation that impacts your physical, emotional, and mental health. Please open up to others before your situation becomes dire. You matter. You are not crazy. You are loved.
Conclusion
At Raymer Strength, we ask you to fill out your health surveys every day— for a reason. We touch base with you on your health and recovery as you come in to train— for a reason. We can’t help you if we don’t know where you are feeling pain or soreness.
And like us, coaches can’t read your mind, so you need to talk with them about what’s going on with your body. And when communication becomes difficult with a coach, asking questions about how they would like to communicate can be a great way to open up a good back and forth.
However, sometimes you have to involve trusted adults to help you resolve a situation. It’s important that you are proactive about this and do not wait until a situation becomes dire or dangerous.
We’re proud of you for taking your health seriously.